you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
