I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
