I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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