You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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