Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
