someone threw a dead crab at me
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
