You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
