I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
