New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
