i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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