Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
