I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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