so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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