When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize