Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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