After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
