I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
