worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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