i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
