So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
