Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
