Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
