My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
