Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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