i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
