being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
