How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
