I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
