im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
they're like a gay fantastic four
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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