I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
