Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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