I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
