why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
