4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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