why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
