Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
