your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
