I'm gonna have a badass scar
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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