He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
