if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
