your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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