Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
