he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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