you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
