Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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