well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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