she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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