Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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