i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize