so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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