The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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