Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize