so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
