Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
