No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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