someone owes me an orgasm
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
tell me about the fingering
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