His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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