two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
