wrigley field is MILF paradise
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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