She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
