We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
