you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize