She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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