Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
