Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
