As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
