Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize