Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
