I looked at my own cervix.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
