omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
