i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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