If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
