i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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