youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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