I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I looked at my own cervix.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
