I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize