dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize