We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We were destined to go to rehab together
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
