Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
