I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
