I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
