She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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