It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
