What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's never too late to be topless.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
