im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize