I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
