just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
His hands were made for my vagina.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
