We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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