If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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