New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
