I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
