there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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