somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Drake has all the answers
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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