One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize