dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
is it fun? or sober?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
