My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
