I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We got so high we made milksteak
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize