Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
