Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize