Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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