i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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