I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
