i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
