I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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