Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
