you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
