Ketchup is God's man juice
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
