You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
