drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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