she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
