either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
