I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Is it penis luge time yet?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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