and you said cock pushups were impossible
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
