so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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