at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
