i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize