4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
