So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
